Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Single-momming It

Hospital Stay - Day 16

He said – At this time last week, I was thinking there was a pretty good chance of me going home today. Uhhh, nope. Unfortunately, I started to feel new lung pain on Monday and had increased crackles, mucus and coughing. It was slightly better on Tuesday, but still not improved enough not to have an effect on my PFT numbers. I came in at 36, last week 63, this week 56. It's not all in the numbers, but I generally don't like to see them going down while in the Hole. I'll be okay though and we'll come up with a plan. Look forward to being back on the right track soon!

She said – We posted an update on Sunday. It’s Wednesday night. What happened to Monday and Tuesday? Talk about a blur. I’ll fill you in…this, that and the other thing happened…The end ;-)


We have filled our days with swim lessons, the gym, play dates, school, and fun dinners. Mckenna has continued to be a doll. Bennett, despite cutting his top two teeth, has been super flexible with all of our running around and napping on the go, and has been sleeping like a champ at night.

I was really hopeful that Ronnie may get home today. I even thought maybe he was punking me when he said he wasn’t getting home until the end of the week. But punked I am not. It is looking like he will be in awhile longer. But that’s ok. This stay has flown by and another few days to a week, we can do it!

I will share an intimate, slightly morbid, yet slightly empowering thought I had Monday night. I felt a little like supermom as the day was great, I had gotten the kids to bed, and finished picking up the house (clearly my supermom bar is really low). I made my dinner and sat down at the table to eat it. As I sat there in the post-bedtime silence, alone at the table, feeling totally content, I thought to myself, “I think would be ok if something happened to Ronnie. I can do the single mom thing.” Yeah. I warned you. Slightly morbid. I promised Ronnie before we got married that I wouldn’t marry him unless I was totally ok with all of the possibilities of CF, including the possibility of being a young widow or single mom. And I married him feeling like I believed wholeheartedly I was totally ok with it all. Then we had kids, and I thought, “eeeesh…single-momming it is rough!” And it is rough at times…but sitting at the table, eating my dinner feeling confident and fully content, alone, kids in their beds, I felt like I may actually be able to do it! Welp, there you go…an intimate look into my crazy, crazy head! Sorry! Now, let’s hope it’s not going to happen, ever. Our days and lives aren’t as fun without Ronnie around every day. But if God has a plan that goes a different route…I realized for the first time that we could actually do it!